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Grandomastery Random OBJECT Activity – Speculative Realism Self-Portrait Lab for C1–C2+ Ontological Fluency

The deepest identity-metaphor exercise in Grandomastery: one completely ordinary object appears (paperclip, rubber band, light bulb, teacup, metro ticket…). You have 8–12 minutes to deliver a fluent, philosophically rich spoken monologue (or written reflection) that convincingly proves “I am this object” – not through lazy clichés (“I’m a teapot – short and stout”), but by exploring the object’s hidden agency, its process, function, and non-human perspective (Speculative Realism style).

You must de-centre yourself and let the object speak back, revealing unexpected truths about your existence.


Target Audience

  • C1–C2–C2+ (“C3”) learners & native speakers

  • Philosophy students, creative writers object-oriented thinkers C2 Proficiency long-turn artists


Mode & Duration

Solo spoken ontological confession + optional written manifesto – 10–15 minutes per object


Key Skills Developed (True C2+ Level)

  • Masterful post-human storytelling & narrative transportation – letting an inanimate thing narrate your life

  • Advanced/proficient speculative-realist English – seamless discourse on agency intra-action process ontology

  • Ultimate abstract thinking – shifting from “what is it made of?” to “what does it do / transform / resist?”

  • Bisociative self–object fusion – discovering profound non-obvious parallels beyond surface metaphors

  • Performative philosophical vulnerability – surrendering anthropocentric privilege with calm conviction

  • Symbolic process-poetics – turning function into lyrical identity

  • Rhetorical humility & wonder – speaking as if the object chose you not the other way round


Core Theoretical Principles This Activity Is Built On

  1. Speculative Realism / Object-Oriented Ontology (Harman) – objects withdraw from human access; true insight comes from letting them remain strange

  2. Ultimate Abstract Thinking (process over substance) – identity lies in transformation and relation not in material composition

  3. Bisociation + New Materialism intra-actions – meaning emerges in the encounter between human and non-human entities


Used by top philosophy-of-art seminars creative-non-fiction workshops and C2 examiners as the fastest route to near-native philosophical eloquence authentic self-expression and mind-bending linguistic depth.


Let the object choose you now: https://grandomastery.com/object



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